IN a time of smartphones, Google, quick fixes and fast foods, most of us are accustomed to immediate results. We get emotional or doubt our ability to resolve an issue, fulfil a need or achieve a goal if it doesn’t happen fast enough. And then we find ourselves in a trap of helplessness and desperation.
To resolve fears, phobias and anxiety attacks, there are no shortcuts. First, you have to look at its nexus squarely in the face, no masking, pretending or faking it till you make it. That’s not going to resolve the issue, it’s going to make it worse. It tends to simmer and boil over ever so often. Every time you suppress it, it gets stronger the next time it comes to the surface.
Strangely, many people unknowingly get addicted to the emotional state they are in. It becomes a dysfunctional habit. The moment they get up from bed, they switch quickly into that state, it’s a learned behaviour. Soon they are addicted to being sad, depressed, anxious, angry, helpless or unmotivated.
Addiction is a repetitive process of doing something until you are good at it. It becomes a reflex action. Imagine speaking to a person who unconsciously opens a pack of cigarettes, takes one out, taps it on the box. He puts it between his lips, lights it and smokes it with grace and choreographed facial expression. It is almost mesmerising to watch. The smoker most of the time is unaware of his graceful choreography, it has become his identity.
Similarly, suppressed emotional issues make one express their dysfunctional behaviour of choice habitually. Although they are looking for sympathy, comfort or help, they are unaware they are being energy vampires. They are dragging others or relationships down with them.
They wonder why people are avoiding or having no patience for them and fall into sadness, self-pity, anger, depression and the lot of it.
This is the state of mind that causes dis-ease, be it mental or physical. So be aware of the habits you are practising. Be aware of your thoughts that become a feeling and in turn becomes an emotion, an action and then a memory. Nip it in the bud, otherwise, it becomes a vicious cycle downhill.
Be aware of the wandering mind and its confirmation biases. Most of what you think happened, or is going to happen isn’t true. It is your assumptions or perspective at that moment. Moreover, your memory will be biased towards you being the victim of it all.
We must realise that to resolve our issues, we cannot point our finger out. The blame game isn’t helping us take the responsibility for our emotional reactions to the stimulus. Are we going to carry the emotional burden of someone else’s actions or behaviour towards us forever?
If we can’t love and accept the flaws within ourselves, how then can we love and accept the flaws in others? Love means exactly that, which means we cannot love. If that’s the case we are doomed.
Yet, the solution is to forgive, to surrender our victim-hood, our hurt, our emotions, our desire for revenge and our hate. Surrender it to the highest energy of love. Forgiveness has a soothing effect on a dis-eased mind. It helps us detach the emotional element to any unsavoury memories.
Once we have done that, we can address those lingering fears, phobias and anxiety. From late 1989 to about 2012, I suffered from a strange form of claustrophobia. It started when I was working as a CT Scan engineer in Ipoh.
One night I had a nightmare of being put into a room with the doors and windows being bricked up. I would be trying to escape, but no one could hear, nor could I get out. I got up soaking with sweat, my heart was pounding, my head was spinning with a sense of fear and desperation. I couldn’t go back to sleep after every episode.
This went on a few times a month. The situation in my dreams began to morph into strange illogical scenarios. Sometimes I would be free from it for months and then it will come with a vengeance. I ignored it and didn’t tell anyone.
It progressively got worse. To a point I had a fear of looking at open-air conditioning vents, hollow pipes, holes in the ground tunnels and floor drains in my waking state, too. My nightmares got worse in the year 2000 onwards. I couldn’t watch movies that had caves or tunnels, I began to imagine myself being trapped in the tiniest plumbing or ducts.
Every night I began to plan for ways by which I could escape in the event I had a similar nightmare. Between all that, I suffered my first heart attack. That’s when I then began to fear being buried alive if or when I died. As illogical as these thoughts were, that was how my mind was working.
Around 2008, I decided to do something about it and registered myself for a Clinical Hypnotherapy course. I was too egotistical to even look for a therapist to sort my problems out. As I attended the course I realised that I was the problem. The fear was a deep-rooted issue of confidence.
Yes, I had faked it and gave the perception that I was a cool guy who had his act together. Nobody knew I was suffering from this phobia, not even family. As the course progressed, I shared my stories with some of my course mates.
We were inexperienced then and needed to learn more to sort my problem out. In 2010 I suffered my second heart attack and was already in my second-year diploma. I refused a bypass and went for an alternative treatment ... that’s a story for another time.
In August of that year, there was a Chilean mining accident where 33 miners were trapped for 69 days. I avoided the news on TV, BBC, CNBC and CNN were giving live commentary on the rescue attempt.
At this point, I had to pick the courage to go downstairs. The TV was on and I feared seeing and listening to them. My wife religiously watched it and was innocently sharing what transpired while I was upstairs.
A couple of months later I decided to face my fears. I had learned about exposure therapy in college and got myself to watch my biggest fear being played out live on TV. Moreover, I was aware that the possibility of rescuing all the miners was high.
As they began to drill the hole for the rescue pod to be lowered, my mind began to imagine various ways in which I could get stuck in the pod. I have always imagined myself in these narrow spaces and my mind will invent ways in which I could get trapped.
This went on for at least three weeks. As I kept watching, I told myself I was safe in my sitting room and not in Chile. Every time my mind drags me back in together with the miners.
On the day of the actual rescue, I watched all 33 miners, including the rescuer who went down being pulled out of the hell hole. A total of 35 trips and I journeyed together with them. I somehow irrationally imagined I was the one in the pod 35 times.
As they came out and kissed the ground with people cheering and crying with joy, the sense of euphoria in me grew. With everyone out including the rescuer.
From then on, these nightmares became less frequent, and they were of lesser intensity until about two to three years ago when it stopped. I have since stared at tunnels, wells, ducts and pipes with no panic attacks, fears or phobias. Some years ago I went to Sydney and visited some caves, there was some lingering fear but nothing like how it was.
The last few years were great. There were minor dreams where I will be asking myself: ‘shouldn’t this be the time when I begin to panic?’ – I then roll over and go right back to sleep. – The Vibes, December 27, 2020
