SILENT treatment and other forms of emotional withdrawal are increasingly being identified as a concealed but damaging form of “cold violence” within marriages, with experts warning that the behaviour can gradually erode family institutions despite leaving no physical marks.
Although it does not involve physical harm, specialists say its psychological and emotional effects can be long-lasting, often developing unnoticed until relationships reach a critical breakdown.
Cold violence is not simply remaining silent during conflict, but is described as a deliberate psychological strategy used to punish a spouse, exert emotional control and create distance within a relationship over time.
Universiti Pertahanan Nasional Malaysia (UPNM) Faculty of Defence Management Studies Social Psychology expert Prof Datuk Dr Mohamed Fadzil Che Din was reported by Berita Harian (BH) today as saying the behaviour, although non-physical, can still cause serious emotional, psychological and social harm.
He explained that from a psychological standpoint, it may stem from immature emotional development, confused value systems or unresolved trauma.
“This form of violence is dangerous because it directly attacks mental and emotional health, but its early signs are difficult to detect as it operates within the offender’s thought processes and ego.
“Usually, it is carried out in a planned, calm and controlled manner without showing any obvious physical anger.
“When repeated over time, it becomes a habit and eventually forms a hardened cold violence personality within the individual,” he said.
He said the root cause is often communication failure, where silence is misused as a weapon rather than a tool for resolution.
Such behaviour, he added, constitutes communication abuse that gradually damages human relationships.
Prof Mohamed Fadzil stressed the importance of constructive communication in relationships, where messages must be conveyed clearly and positively to achieve healthy outcomes.
He said change can only occur when individuals acknowledge their behaviour and understand its harmful consequences.
“We cannot force someone to change. Instead, they need to be guided through understanding and psychological support to move towards a more positive and balanced personality.
“To save a relationship, clear communication must be used, namely who is speaking, what is being conveyed, to whom, through what channel, and what the impact is,” he said.
From a legal perspective, Malaysian Syariah Lawyers Association president Tuan Musa Awang said cold violence may be classified as emotional neglect or abuse under Islamic family law principles.
Although not explicitly defined in statutory provisions, he said it can still be argued as “darar syarie” in applications for fasakh (annulment of marriage) or as a failure to fulfil marital obligations.
“Darar syarie refers to any form of harm recognised under Islamic law, including emotional, mental, financial, religious and moral harm.
“If it can be proven that it has a serious impact on emotions or mental health, the Syariah Court may consider it as a basis for action,” he said.
He said possible remedies include applications for fasakh if the behaviour persists and causes significant emotional distress, or cerai taklik (conditional divorce) if marital conditions are breached.
“From a legal standpoint, it can form the basis for divorce, protection orders, and may also affect custody issues if children are involved.
“In Islam, marriage is based on mawaddah and rahmah. When emotional neglect occurs, it clearly goes against that objective,” he said.
However, he noted that the main challenge is proving such cases in court, where evidence may include communication records, witnesses, counselling reports and expert psychological assessments.
Courts, he said, assess cases on the balance of probabilities, including indirect evidence.
Separately, Syariah law expert Prof Dr Nik Salida Suhaila Nik Saleh, Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic and International) at Universiti Sains Islam Malaysia (USIM), said marriage is founded on mawaddah, sakinah and rahmah, alongside mu’asyarah bil ma’ruf (good mutual conduct).
She stressed that failure to uphold these principles means the objectives of marriage are not being met, which may ultimately lead to divorce through talaq or fasakh if not addressed.
“When a couple marries, one of the rights of husband and wife is to receive good treatment. If this is not fulfilled, it can also be classified as a form of abuse and violation of rights in the marital relationship, and it can be claimed,” she told BH.
She explained that love in marriage begins with emotional attachment, which develops into mawaddah (affection), then rahmah (compassion), resulting in sakinah (tranquillity) within the household.
The absence of these elements, she said, undermines marital harmony and deprives spouses of emotional wellbeing.
“Husband and wife must share responsibility to give attention and affection through actions and good communication, including using polite language and terms of address that are liked by their partner,” she said.
She also warned against verbal abuse, including harsh language, sarcasm, deception, slander or reopening old conflicts that can harm emotional wellbeing.
“Cold violence is a violation of a spouse’s right to be treated well. However, both parties must respect each other and not be the cause of such behaviour,” she added.
Prof Nik Salida further said issues should be addressed constructively rather than through withdrawal, noting that prolonged unjustified distancing may amount to nusyuz (disobedience), which can affect financial obligations within marriage.
However, she clarified that such rulings do not apply when separation is necessary for personal safety or to avoid physical abuse. - May 5, 2026
