DEAR Mak…
There have been many times over the years where I sat down to contemplate the true nature of our relationship.
Weird, is it not?
I mean, it should be clear cut – you are the person who gave birth to me, and in that dynamic, it defines you as ‘Ratu Hatiku’ (queen of my heart).
To some extent, I do question, what does it really mean?
It has been almost three decades where I am graced with your antics, and I say this with great care.
While you and I have our individual languages of love when we portray our affection for one another, those close to us would know how our bond is far from the doting mother-daughter kind.
I would like to think that we are still a duo, but our – relationship – is akin to Will and Carlton’s from 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air', or to be more precise where I would gravitate to towards a more clairvoyant approach, and in contrast, the boisterous energy appeals more to you.
I would sometimes call you ‘Laughter Machine’ in secret because you would crack up at just about anything – especially when your favourite K-Drama is on and there are not even subtitles.
Some would say that I act differently (less playful) when I am at home, and I do agree. There have been times where I would be the more authoritative figure, like having to rationalise the week’s grocery list or why we do not need new furniture/carpets and Korean purifiers.
In my defence, this is due to having a more complicated position, in the aftermath, of becoming the mediator between you and my father as he tallies unwarranted household expenses.
Our exchanges do have their adversarial moments, and at times, I believe this is the only way we can communicate and comprehend one another.
When stars do align, we can be each other’s voice of reason, but not without us pointing out the other's flaws. That said, we still manage to work it out. Neither will we leave each other, or the ones we find dear, deserted.
.jpg)
You see, it was – and still is – quite hard for me to describe the type of relationship I have with my mother to my friends, and it is only now that I have slowly come to realise that ours do not necessarily check a specific box.
Why should it?
To describe our connection as sisterly inclined is too simplistic. We may be equals in addressing our concerns, and where the reversing of roles does take place, I still hold space for your nurturing to take place.
The maternal instinct remains with you, which I would humbly admit that we, as a family unit, do not give (you) enough credit for.
The effort that you put in, which is – definitely – more than just cleaning up after our mess even after a long day worth of work, to ensure our comfort of living by making the house feel like a home, a haven.
You also have this gift of always being able to come in at the right time to save us from our (personal) hardships despite us practically preferring to deal with it on our own, or so we think.
You would in your way celebrate us by being our number one sidekick in every situation bestowed, even if it puts your peace at risk.
I still remember how you drove out of state to send me to campus and then return the same night only to have your car broke down somewhere off Simpang Ampat, Melaka state route – a poorly lit stretch of the expressway, I might add – to which you did not even share your emergency until I returned home the following week.
Or that time when you wanted to join me and my friends clubbing just because you wanted to be the ‘responsible driver’ (whatever that means) to let us enjoy the night.
I suppose the family would not be as warm or as fun as it is now without your presence.
Stability is just one aspect of it, which in this context does not refer to financial but most importantly, well-being rooted in unconditional support.
Therefore, the admiration I have for you is not simply because you are my mother, but for all the whining and grumbling you have had to endure while still keeping it bright-eyed.
I also hope you know that such affinity does not only limit itself to this one day.
Love,
Kakak
– The Vibes, May 9, 2021
