NO one would have thought that when the pandemic began it would last this long. But with news of yet another CMCO extension, it’s suddenly dawned on me that the whole year would soon be over.
Over the months, I’ve had friends lose their jobs, start new careers, and those who are struggling to keep their relationships. I myself have changed jobs during the pandemic and dove into a new field while learning on-the-go.
I’ve kept busy without truly looking at how the pandemic has affected our lives and our relationships.
So, as I sit here contemplating how a virus has not just changed our lifestyles, but also how it has undeniably changed the way we connect and communicate with those around us, I cannot help but feel a little helpless.
No longer can we huddle in groups and hug freely or even pop into our relative’s home for a quick visit. No longer can we stroll through malls without fear that we may unknowingly get infected or bring the virus home to our family.
And unfortunately, the pandemic has changed our relationship with our mobile phones. The constant news updates, QR code scanning, work, school homework chats and social media access makes us glued to our phones more than ever.
I confess, I have turned into an addict. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep, my phone is with me all the time. I’ll just be honest and say, it is now another limb on my body.
As a mum, I’ve been working from home the last few weeks and as much as I thought it would mean I would be able to monitor my kids’ “study-from-home” situation, I would be lying if I said it was all going great!
To be frank, some days (even though we are all in the same home) I rarely see my kids. They appear from their rooms when hungry and head back into their rooms and go back to their gadgets.
And I would be juggling between my laptop and mobile phone throughout the day. It’s even harder to get off work when working from home because you just keep going. There’s no need to leave at a certain time to beat the jam or take an hour break for lunch because you end up eating your lunch whenever you get a breather from replying to work messages or emails.
Do I feel bad that I’m not committed to ensuring my kids get all their schoolwork done or make time to study? Yes, I do. But for now, all I can focus on is making sure I find time to talk with my kids and connect with them.
Perhaps at the beginning of the pandemic, I stressed myself out trying to make sure they studied and did their homework and submitted their projects. But today, I need to pick my battles. And for now, making an income and having a job seems to be the utmost priority; looking at how the economy is struggling.
So, I reached out to a few friends to find out how the pandemic has affected their relationships especially with friends and family.
Zarina shared that having a good support system is always important.
“It is especially important to have if you’re sick. It may be from friends or family or just someone who cares at that point. One thing I’ve learnt from my friends is that each of them have got their own battles. Even those without kids or aged parents. Some can make stupid decisions, but it’s their decision to make in their own capacity,” she said.
On how she was maintaining her friendships, she shared that the best way is to always check in with them and never say ‘no’ to a good chat.
I make it a point to reach out to friends daily; even if it’s a simple “good morning” message.
I’m beginning to see how important it is just to feel connected. One thing for sure, is learning to put your ego aside and ask for help. Sometimes, it’s not about asking friends for a big favour – it is just asking to be heard. I am thankful for my friends who not only reach out to me but allow me to lend their ears to me, too. And vice versa.
Today, in these times especially, I ask and encourage everyone to be kind, be accessible and to be less judgmental. Each and every one of us is struggling in our way, you could be the CEO of a multi-million dollar company lying awake all night trying to save your business, or the makcik selling nasi lemak losing her customers daily.
The truth is, we would never truly know the issues a person could be experiencing. Everyone has their struggles. Be it small or big. Let’s not judge. Let’s be supportive.
If you have an elderly parent, you will surely understand how challenging these days are for them. Not being able to go out because they are high risk not only affects their mental health, but it also affects their spirit.
Having a father over 70 with health issues, it aches me to know that going over to hug and chat with him could put him at risk because my job entails going out and meeting lots of people. So, for his safety, we have barely seen each other for months now. I do make it a point to call him weekly to check up on him. I’m blessed that we both enjoy our long chats and can talk about anything.
Sunita, a friend of mine who moved back home to live with her mum shares that the pandemic has strengthened her relationship with her mum.
“Physically, my mum is coping well with indoor YouTube exercises and so on. Psychologically there are concerns, ‘Will I travel again, will I be able to attend social gatherings again’. It is the isolation that is the hardest, thus why I elected to move back home,” she said.
When I asked her what we can do as children, to ease our elderly parents’ situation dealing with the pandemic, Sunita shared that video-calling siblings, and daily family group chats has helped.
One of my father’s big concerns when it comes to his children is income – or rather, to be financially stable during these challenging times. He often tells me how worried he is if the family business no longer can sustain itself. And for Sunita, her mum is worried that she’s impinging on Sunita’s life and relationship with her partner because she’s now moved back home.
But what is it like for couples? During the early days of the MCO, there were quite a few memes and jokes that popped up on our timelines saying how many couples would end up divorced once MCO was over.
Is there any truth to this? Perhaps for some couples, being at home 24/7 for weeks tested their strengths and weaknesses as a unit. I’ve heard friends tell me how their husbands suddenly expected them to cook and clean all the time because now they’re working from home. Of course, this also meant that wives had expectations of their husbands, too.
For Sheila and Edward, who have been married for 18 years, the experience has challenged their patience and values.
“We hung on to the same values - so sticking through the tough times together helped strengthen us - our good, bad and ugly. We got an opportunity to bond as a family as the kids were also a lot more at home – and while there was quantity (time), we also needed to be intentional about working out the quality (time) to keep us together. Screen time was distracting. Time became more ‘fluid’ for us – and there is a need for schedules and routines,” the couple shared.
Before we know it, a whole new year begins again. How has the pandemic affected your life? What have you learnt from this experience? What has changed for the better or worse when it comes to your relationship with others?
I cannot deny that as much as I present a brave front to those around me, I struggle. I struggle with my inner narratives. Am I working enough? Can my boss notice it if I’m working from home? How’s my dad? Does he know I still care and love him even if I can’t give him a hug? Oh, my kids – have I failed them as a mum since I’m so relaxed about schoolwork and so busy with work? And friends – have I done enough to show them I care and that I am here for them?
Deep down, I know I am not alone with these emotions and I know perhaps many more feel the same in silence. But we all persevere. We make the best of what we have today and pray for a better tomorrow. Well, for now… Life goes on. Best to choose kindness in all our interactions. – The Vibes, November 13, 2020
