WHENEVER the marriage of a celebrity couple hits troubled waters, social media platforms go into a frenzy. Even ordinary people headed for divorce don’t shy away from sharing their domestic squabbles with all and sundry in that public space.
In Malaysia, meanwhile, divorces are on an upward trend, especially among Muslim couples.
According to the Department of Syariah Judiciary Malaysia, 45,420 divorce cases were registered nationwide in 2021. Some of the main reasons for the breakups are a lack of understanding, financial issues, infidelity and family interference.
Another contributory factor was domestic violence including physical and mental abuse.
Experts say it is time for the authorities to review the existing modules of the prenuptial course that all Muslim couples must attend before tying the knot.
They feel the course content must be adapted to meet current needs and challenges, particularly with regard to mental and emotional health management.
Shallow knowledge of emotional management
Dr Azmawaty Mohamad Nor, a counsellor at the Department of Educational Psychology and Counselling at Universiti Malaya, said the time has come for the premarriage course modules to be improved.
The challenges of this era are different from those that prevailed in the 1990s when the course was introduced by the Malaysian Islamic authorities and made compulsory for Muslim couples, she added.
“The course itself is relevant and important for couples who are about to get married but it should be improved from time to time to help them cope with the current challenges,” she told Bernama.
For the record, the existing modules in the prenuptial course for Muslim couples are aimed at, among others, educating them on marriage laws and forging close relationships with their spouses and families as well as providing them with exemplary accounts of sound families.
Beginning in 2016, non-Muslim couples were also encouraged to attend a similar course conducted by the National Population and Family Development Board.
Azmawaty said one of the things the authorities can consider adding to the prenuptial course is the element of mental and emotional management.
“It’s crucial for couples to have knowledge of mental and emotional management as it can prevent abuse, which is not just limited to the physical aspect of it but also the emotional part that can affect the victim’s attitude and psychology.
“When people are equipped with knowledge to manage their mental and emotional (health), they are more likely to express positive emotions and act more rationally when a heated argument arises,” she explained.
Admitting that disputes are inevitable between married couples, she said the issue here is how well they manage their mental and emotional states when they are caught in conflict.
“Failure to do so (manage well) can cause a small thing to flare up and even lead to abuse and neglect,” she pointed out.
“More worryingly, the situation may also lead to (a spouse committing) a criminal act or inhumane behaviour… these are the effects of the inability (of a couple) to control a dispute or conflict (before it gets out of hand).”
The 3R concept
Elaborating on how the premarriage course can be updated and improved, Azmawaty recommends the 3R – retract, rethink and respond – concept to help couples to learn to control their feelings when they find themselves in certain situations.
“The word ‘retract’ comes in when a person feels an emotion such as anger… this is when he/she should step back for a while and find the space and ways to release that particular emotion.
"This can be achieved through breathing techniques, for example. They must at the same time ‘rethink’ or think of ways to resolve the problem (faced by them).
“Then comes ‘respond’, that is, how they respond to the situation. This method, indirectly, helps them to control their thinking, emotions and behaviour and allows them to be in a good place,” she explained.
According to the counsellor, many couples are ill-prepared to face conflicts as they often have the illusion of living “happily ever after” following marriage while the reality is something else.
Marriage counselling
Meanwhile, Universiti Sains Islam Malaysia counselling programme senior lecturer Dr Siti Nubailah Mohd Yusof said marriage counselling services can help maintain household harmony.
Concurring that marital and other problems can affect a couple’s mental and emotional health, she urged them to seek professional help.
“We now have many professional counsellors offering marriage counselling services and they are not only from government agencies but also non-governmental organisations and private bodies.
"They are there to help couples to deal with the various issues that arise in a marriage.
“But the thing is not many couples realise that seeing a counsellor is an important step towards helping them to overcome the issues they are facing,” she added.
Siti Nubailah also stressed that marriage education in Malaysia needs to be more “open, effective and continuous” in helping couples to resolve their problems and avoid seeking a divorce,
Pointing out that existing prenuptial courses tend to focus on educating couples on household affairs, she said they should also have the knowledge and skills to handle their relationships better.
“This is why couples must attend marriage-related programmes or courses even after they get married.
"The agencies concerned must take proactive steps by providing awareness and education to troubled couples… these measures can also help to curb the incidence of domestic violence,” she added. – Bernama, July 3, 2023
