THIS latest controversy stemming from an Instagram video by eye doctor and motivational speaker Prof Datuk Dr Muhaya Mohamad touches on the long-simmering issue of gender roles. It also puts into focus the expectations some men have in their relationships.
In the since-deleted video, the ophthalmologist who has more than half a million followers on Instagram and more than 1.7 million followers on Facebook, gave some tips to single women in the country on how to find a partner – namely to play dumb in order to be unthreatening to men – seemingly undermining any progress on female empowerment over the last few decades.
Muhaya also mentioned testosterone and oestrogen levels of professional women, with men preferring the latter. In effect, she’s saying career-minded women are trying to be equal with men, who apparently find that unattractive.
“Stop trying to liberate yourself to be equal to men, no,” she said in the video.
Critics on social media have been quick to decry the retrograde mindset she seems to be pushing career women to adopt, while vocal defenders say the doctor has been misinterpreted and that she was being metaphorical.
I’m sorry but my mum didn’t raise me to be ‘bodoh-bodoh sikit’ in front of men so that I can ‘bertemu jodoh’. You are sending the wrong message to girls and young women. Women should definitely not lower their intellectual level just so that they can attract a man. https://t.co/xc0G7GsV3O
— Dr. Amalina (@DrAmalinaBakri) June 8, 2021
weh wtf is this did she really say kita kena jadi bodoh baru laki suka kalau tak lambat kahwin?????? If women are too independent we would have high testosterone? I would rather be single if my stupidity attracts my future spouse??? pic.twitter.com/rJiI1dXcYP
— mouse (@emptyshadoww) June 8, 2021
This controversy brings to mind the ‘Talk like a Doraemon’ fiasco from March of last year, during the onset of the first MCO.
The Women and Family Ministry released infographics advising women to avoid nagging, to not be sarcastic and to speak like the iconic Japanese cartoon cat – basically be coy and unintimidating, lest they annoy their husbands.
The offending infographics were taken down after a few days, but it left a bad taste for many.
This line of thinking is not all that dissimilar from Muhaya’s video. It serves to reinforce traditional roles for women, that they should always be subservient to men and put the interest of their husband ahead of their own.
Now while it is true that there are some, in fact, many men, who like a woman that is seen and not heard, there are many others who prize a woman’s intelligence and ability to challenge.
Speaking personally, this mindset of wanting a wife or partner as a supporting player is almost alien. It’s not about ‘smart’ versus ‘dumb’, it’s about letting someone be the best versions of themselves. And it can’t be healthy long-term for a woman to constantly be ‘acting dumb’ for her husband.
Women are their own people and deserve more than constantly stroking the ego of the men around them. And let’s be honest, plenty of men don’t deserve that level of unfailing back rubbing (both literal and metaphorical).
It also nudges against the notion that someone’s ultimate fulfilment comes from the seemingly lifetime commitment of marriage. While this idea has been held up as an unquestioned truth by societies for most of history, many in the younger generations are not so satisfied.
In the tumultuous times we live in, many people around the world are just fine being single, as the obligation of family is a heavy one to bear. For them, the advice from Muhaya is almost from another era.
This is not to say that marriage and having a family is old-fashioned, it’s just that today there are many more ways for one to find meaning and happiness in their lives. This is doubly true for women, who now have more opportunities, instead of needing to satisfy a potential husband.
Regardless, this argument between progressives and traditionalists is an ongoing tug-of-war in a society coming to grips with modernity. – The Vibes, June 10, 2021
