25 years of love, sacrifice and service from the heart

SHE walked into our lives on May 2, 1996, and with that Titiwangsa, my childhood home, changed forever. 

It was that time in our lives where everything was happening all at once. Before we could process one event, another event happened simultaneously, like a whirlwind.

The house was upside down as both my parents were suffering from cancer at the same time, both admitted to hospital, and my only sibling brother, a schizophrenic, was also admitted for an acute relapse. I had just gotten married. 

This beautiful human being who had left her country walked into this madness that no one could comprehend, and she stayed on through thick and thin.

The Kandiah kitchen existed because of her. Within a year she mastered all the Jaffna Tamil dishes for any occasion, from prayers to entertaining various groups of people. Our home was called Kandiah hotel, as numerous guests stayed and if anyone visited they were not permitted to leave until they had eaten. This warmth, hospitality, love and motherliness came naturally to this lady.

Time passed by, she nursed and witnessed three deaths in my family home. She showed her love by cooking everyone’s favourite whenever they visited, something she learnt from my beloved Appa.

She was also full of love and kisses for any child that walked in the door, always to leave with chocolates.

We went through far more difficult times than good, but the beauty of it all is that she went through it with a kindred gentle spirit.

She leaves us for good after 25 years of love, sacrifice and service from the heart. It was not easy looking after my brother. 

Of course, she had help, there were always three helpers at home by God’s grace, I call them my angels. But it was Vani who cleaned up after my brother wherever and whenever he soiled himself as he was so stubborn and refused to wear pampers. 

She said he was God’s child and she did it all with a smile. She felt it was a privilege to look after him.

I decided to write this small piece about this amazing human being as I realise I will not meet another like her in this lifetime. 

Selfless service done with a pure heart and unconditional love. As I went to sleep last night I thought to myself how many caregivers/ helpers work tirelessly and dutifully like this. There is a simplicity and innocence about them and their minds that is so, so beautiful. 

I thought about how undervalued they are by all. Often I have visited homes where they are like pieces of furniture, not acknowledged. And even worse when they greet a guest, the guest just ignores them and walks by. It breaks my heart.

I also thought how would I give a reference for Vani? I think I would just weep. How do you tell anyone what she has done for you? Then I proceeded to think how unfair the world is.

But in the end, a tiny voice whispered, Vani and people like her are closest to “God” that we can find in human form. They are cherished, blessed and loved even more by God.

As this beautiful kind soul with all the fruits of the spirit inborn and natural to her walk away from me, I shall bless her and let her go happily, back to her home and her other family, to enjoy God’s best for the rest of her days.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.”

Thank you, Vani for all that you have taught me and given me.

Our love is eternal. – The Vibes, June 28, 2021

The writer, Dr Meena Kandiah, is an ophthalmologist at Assunta Hospital

The Vibes will be speaking to Dr Meena in-depth about her special relationship with Vani on Wednesday, June 30.