SANDAKAN – While the instruction to work from home may be good news to some people – especially those who are single – most full-time working mothers have had their lives turned upside down as they juggle between getting their work done and attending to their attention-hungry children.
A newspaper journalist in Kota Kinabalu, Mariah Doksil, 38, said that her three sons aged seven, four and two, are now staying home with her as schools and daycare centres are closed.
She said on weekdays, she needs to guide her eldest son to attend Home-based Learning (PdPR) class, prepare food for all her children, and at the same time write news and meet tight deadlines.
“I don’t have a helper and my husband is working outside as he is an essential service worker.
“I feel like my life has turned chaotic, and I barely have time for myself. It has somewhat affected my mental health, but I am trying my best to stay strong for my children,” she said.
Mariah’s case is relatable to many working mothers, including Barbara Robert, 32, who is also a journalist. She has been working from home even before the pandemic, but as daycare centres and kindergartens are closed, she had to work while taking care of her two daughters, aged two and five.
“Thinking back to March last year, it was the first time that I had to look after my children and work at the same time, in the same house.
“The ‘me-time’ which I think is important for every human being was gone. There were a few times I found myself crying in the toilet because I felt guilty for failing to give the attention my children needed as I had to work at the computer.
“In order for me to stay strong, I adapted and stopped setting unrealistic standards on myself.
“I ensure that I get my job done, and make sure that my children are fed, healthy, and happy. I started to become more lenient when it comes to giving snacks and extending their television time.
“Once I lower my own expectation, I was able to feel like I was more stable, mentally and emotionally,” she added.
However, Robert said that she could not wait for life to get back to normal, as the juggling between work and kids has reduced the quality of her work.
Meanwhile, Mandy Chiang, a secondary school teacher in Sandakan who now has to conduct PdPR classes for her students from home and at the same time look after her two young sons, is living the dream as she gets to spend more time with her children at home.
“I wake up early in the morning to prepare for their meals for the whole day. Then, I conduct my online class with my students. Once that is done, I proceed with my children’s online class.
“The challenge I face is when I have to conduct Zoom class with my students, my kids will demand for something just to distract me. Then I must try my very best to calm them so that I can continue my lesson with my students,” she said.
Chiang said that when she feels stressed, she would read books, do handcrafts and gardening.
“However, I prefer for my kids to be back to school because they can learn more with their teachers,” she said.
Writer, editor and active gender advocate in Kota Kinabalu, Sabrina Melisa Aripen, said she had lost her four hours of uninterrupted work time when her six-year-old son’s kindergarten closed during the pandemic.
“With the four hours that I had, I could focus on work, sit in a café if I wanted. Now, I am 24-7 with my son; even worse that my mornings are taken up by his schoolwork. I cannot imagine (what it would be like) for parents with more than one child of school-going age,” she said.
Sabrina also said the big difference with children now staying at home is that parents are unable to let the kids run free outdoors, let off steam and to socialise – everything that makes a great childhood is taken away.
“I worry that this will have an effect on the children in the future.
“They now spend way too much time on digital devices, and some of them have to share with their parents who also need the devices for work,” she added.
Sabrina said as a mother, she found that the lack of time for herself very stressful, especially when there is a high energy child in a small house.
“I have broken down and cried a few times already. Sometimes I get bouts of anxiety like there is always something I need to do but have not done.
“I started getting headaches last year when MCO started, which I have never had before,” she said.
However, Sabrina said that the positive side is that there are more opportunities available for remote work, and that she now knows her child’s schoolwork very well. – The Vibes, July 4, 2021
Writer’s note:
As a working from home mother myself, I hope this article would let mothers know that you are not alone. Be kind to yourselves and seek help if you are feeling overwhelmed.
