"RUDE" was one of the comments and criticisms thrown by netizens to popular actor Datuk Rosyam Nor on social media after the MeleTop Era Awards.
Rosyam and Shuib's appearance as award presenters which did not exceed five minutes has provoked dissatisfaction from the audience. Rosyam had asked Shuib, who lost his wife, Siti Sarah Raissuddin, 10 months ago, the question "Is there a replacement?".
The one-minute incident, however, was quoted and discussed by netizens on social media, especially since Shuib was seen avoiding answering the question.
@boommalaysia Gelagat Datuk Rosyam Nor dan Shuib Sepahtu di Anugerah Meletop Era #boommalaysia #boom #anugerahmeletopera2021 #tetibameletop2021 #ame2021 ♬ original sound - boommalaysia
The incident being discussed raises the question of the appropriateness of the question. Was it rude and insensitive or was it just a bad joke that should not be given much thought? Does ‘adab’ not apply to jokes?
Let’s go back to an incident at the Academy Awards last March when actor Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. The comedian had made his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, the subject of a joke.
In Shuib’s case, no one committed physical violence on the awards stage. Possibly, it is considered insensitive, especially when Sarah had died so tragically.
Actress Farah Ahmad who lost her husband, Pitt Hanif, in an incident in 2019 felt that the question of ‘successor’ was very sensitive to be asked arbitrarily, especially at a ceremony attended by many people.
“The question is such that, even if we were to ask our friend directly, we would find it completely wrong. What more at a big event. Shuib is very patient. Other people may not be as forgiving.
“If I were in Shuib's place, I would do the same (not fight). Because other people don't understand what we're suffering through. When we lose someone we love, we deal with it in a way that is not possible for everyone to understand,” she said when contacted by Getaran.
The Roh film actor also feels people need to be mindful and grounded in reality. This is because, if a joke is made at the wrong time and circumstance, it is considered rude.
“So I think, this all relates back to manners and empathy. Before the question is posed, we need to be self-aware and mindful of space. We should find it completely wrong to ask such a question unless he wants to share. It is enough to just give support,” she added.
Comedian and singer Mark Adam understands that the interaction between Shuib and Rosyam happened casually, especially since they are both close friends.
“Rosyam's question to Shuib may be one of the ways Rosyam shows he cares about Shuib because they are close. But society may misjudge it.
"It wasn't a joke, but more of a common question that didn't intend to hurt," he said.
However, Mark reminded everyone to think about other people's feelings because any joke can be taken the wrong way if the time, place and person are inappropriate.
"For me, a joke like that 'works' when we are close to someone. In the past, our jokes were more open. Now that times have changed, our society has become more sensitive. We have to think about other people's feelings before we say anything," he said, closing the interview.
An awards ceremony can be made more lively, cheerful, and memorable with jokes. But if the joke is not appropriate to the place, situation and time – it will make many people unhappy and only invite disaster. – The Vibes, June 8, 2022
This article first appeared in The Vibes' Malay language sister portal Getaran.
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