IT isn’t everyday one comes across a doctor, Dr Meena, who in glowing terms describes her caregiver, Vani as being next to “God”, who worked with the family for 25 years, “selflessly and with a pure heart” witnessing three deaths in the family and with “unseen hands” brought order to the family home in a time of chaos.
This is the true story of Waryuni a.k.a. Vani, who walked into the Kandiah household on May 2nd 1996, and forever changed the lives of those living there.
“When she came into our lives, my childhood home in Titiwangsa was facing its most intense challenges. I had just gotten married and even though it was the happiest moment of my life, little did I realise that in a few months I was about to face my greatest challenges,” shared Meena, who today has two sons and works as an ophthalmologist at a private hospital.
“The greatest difficulty was coping as the events just happened simultaneously and there was just one of me,” Meena added.
“The house faced disarray and mayhem when both my parents were overcome with cancer at the same time, both admitted to different hospitals and my only brother, Siva, a schizophrenic, suffered a meltdown and was also admitted to another hospital, as he was close to my parents and could not accept the suddenness of their illness,” said Meena, who then turned to Vani for support.
Meena herself studied in public school in the UK from the age of 12 and then went on to medical school in Ireland and finally returned to Malaysia in 1993, at age 25. She took six months off to adjust back to life in Malaysia and didn’t expect to have her life change so dramatically, as her parents and brother all became unexpectedly ill.
Thus 1996 proved to be a watershed year as Vani rose to the occasion and together with Valli, another family caregiver, held the fort, while Meena worked hard to keep the family together and both parents eventually recovered, though they suffered relapses later.
Vani had no children of her own and her husband stayed back in her village, while she chose to work overseas. It would be true to say the Kandiah household became her family in a foreign country.
“Vani essentially took on the role of housekeeper, my husband looked after my dad, I looked after my mother in a separate hospital and Valli was in university hospital with my brother, who had a relapse, as a result of both of our parents being in hospital,” said Meena, who felt this was the most difficult time in her life and she looked to Vani as a family member, given the degree of love and care needed to get through this stressful time.
Upon the demise of her mother in 1997 and her father in 2016, Meena said, “My brother Siva became more agitated and more difficult and it was Vani who cleaned up after him, whenever and wherever he soiled himself as he was stubborn and refused to wear adult diapers,” shared Meena, who by then had her own children and was trying to juggle time between Siva and her own family.
But Vani said to her, “Take care of your own family and I will take care of Siva,” and that was what finally happened as she took care of all of Siva’s needs and Siva loved her in return, helping her to garden, close windows and do odd jobs in and around the house.
According to Meena, Vani became a mother figure for Siva and he refused day care and other options, preferring to stay with Vani.
My question to Meena, which many others were also eager to find out: what was the magic formula to forge this special bond with her helper?
“We need to educate, starting with our children. My definition of an evolved, developed, progressive society is one where the less fortunate, the sick, the elderly, and the poor are valued and treated better than the rich and privileged.
“And we teach by our actions. Be an inclusive society. Ask our maids about their families, include them and make them feel important for any occasion, celebrate their birthdays. At the end of the day, all of us just want to feel love and validated,” said Meena.
Meena also feels the most important quality for any human being is kindness, “I do not want degrees, I want kindness and how you behave when you are alone with no one watching.”
Suddenly, last year on May 22nd, on the same day her mother died in 1997, her brother Siva was having a meal when he ran to the toilet and appeared to choke and sadly passed away in Vani’s arms, fulfilling her last duty to the family.
As Meena explained, Vani’s most admirable trait was her ability to anticipate and prepare for calamities, where others would flounder, Vani just took the situation in hand and found solutions.
“Vani had such a big, wide smile. She is very religious and said a prayer before any task and welcomed all and sundry to our Titiwangsa house,” said Meena.
Such was Vani’s generosity, and with no children of her own, everyone, especially Meena’s two boys, became her family.
When Vani made the decision to return home after 25 years of service to the family, it left Meena and the whole family heartbroken. That’s when Meena decided to send The Vibes a short note about Vani, as she felt it was a story worth telling.
Upon her return, Vani was quarantined in a hotel in Jakarta but The Vibes managed to contact her via telephone and she praised the kindness of the Kandiah family, expressing how they became one family, due to the love shown on both sides.
Vani even mentioned how Meena’s husband, being a medical doctor, had given her one year’s supply of diabetic medication to bring back with her.
“I was very happy that they treated me as a family member and even now as I go back to my hometown, I miss them all terribly and I don’t think anyone can replace them as they are family. They have invited me to come back to Kuala Lumpur for a holiday every year and I will,” said Vani, as she prepared to continue her journey home.
Meena’s final words on Vani in her note to us:
“Often, I have visited homes where the caregivers are like pieces of furniture, not acknowledged and even worse, when they greet a guest, the guest just ignores them and walks on by. It breaks my heart. Then I think how unfair the world is.”
For Meena, the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart, just as Vani had touched her family’s hearts. – The Vibes, June 30, 2021
